(Not) Missing You Already

I have recently noticed something about me that I assumed was just another one of my peculiarities, but then I noticed some other autistics mentioning it, and had another of those ‘me too!’ moments. And that ‘something’ is: I don’t miss people when away from them. Out of sight, out of mind, as it were. 

I first noticed this when I moved to Japan for a year. I didn’t miss my friends, I didn’t miss my family, and I didn’t even miss my boyfriend. (I did miss the sex though!) And now, when I’m away from my kids, I may worry about them and hope they’re ok, but I don’t miss them. 

And, just like being aromantic, it’s something I have hidden from others up to now. Because, I’m afraid people will misunderstand me not missing them for me not caring about them. So, of course when people ask ‘did you miss me?’ I affirm that I did. It’s an automatic reflex at this stage. 

But, I’m trying to talk about this a bit more, admit it, explain it, and hopefully people will see it as just something else that’s a part of me. I’ve no idea if it’s more common with autistics, or maybe we’re more willing to admit it? I recently told a friend I wouldn’t miss them if we ever fell out. And I then tried to explain what I meant by that, and that it was just a fact and something I had no control over. I *think* they got it. At least, we’re still friends. 

I think not missing people also can have advantages. It made leaving my friends, family and boyfriend behind and moving halfway across the earth a lot easier, I’d imagine. It also means I can get over toxic friendships and relationships a lot easier. It makes bereavement easier for me, as I equally don’t miss people after they die  And I can be quite content in my own company. I miss having friends, but I don’t miss any friend in particular. 

So, there you have it. Another facet of me that I’m finally coming to terms with! 

[image shows a tropical beach with palm trees and beach umbrellas in the distance. The sea is a vivid blue. The light blue sky has a few wispy clouds. It is deserted, with no people to be seen. ]


One thought on “(Not) Missing You Already

  1. Makes sense to me! I say “miss you too” to friends and family if they tell me they miss me, but I don’t miss them – we have mobile phones, Facebook etc, people are accessible 24/7. Until I found out about being Autistic I thought it was just another “Ice Queen” part of myself 🤷🏻‍♀️ always good to know others are the same 😊


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