Autism and Marriage

Today is our 12th wedding anniversary. This post is not about my marriage or our anniversary though, but the date did get me to thinking about autism and marriage in general.

So, I decided to Google “Autism and marriage”. The results were less than promising. Mostly I found articles about how being a parent to an autistic child effects marriages. I also found lots of articles written by people married to (or, more often, divorced from) autistic people.

But where were the articles written by autistic people themselves? I wanted to read more from this cohort, to see if they had similar experiences to me, to maybe get some insights from them.

So, this post is mostly links to the few articles I did find. (I found a few more when I changed the Google search to “autistic bloggers marriage) I will add more as I find them. (And if anyone knows of others, please add them in the comments and I’ll update this post accordingly)

This post by James Sinclair is insightful about having a relationship with a non-autistic person, especially the interview part, even though he is not technically married.

This post is written by an autistic person married to another autistic person, which presents its own unique challenges.

This interview with autistic advocate Sarah Hendrickx also mentions her marriage to another autistic person. Her book , which I reviewed as part of my Autistic Readathon also includes interviews with married autistic people. In fact, a lot of the books I reviewed, especially the memoirs, and of course this anthology, talk about marriage. They talk about the ups and downs, and how finding out they were autistic changed how they viewed their marriage, mostly for the better.

This is a good post by The Silent Wave, whose husband is NT. It’s part of a series and I do need to say that I haven’t (yet) read the other posts in the series.

Finding out that I’m autistic and that that comes with certain issues such as communication challenges and crossed wires, but that none of the issues are irresolvable, has certainly improved my married life. Another positive outcome of my journey of self-discovery.

5 comments

  1. Interesting post. I’ve been married twice. When I met my first husband, I was masking 100%. We married quickly and I soon realised that I couldn’t keep up with his socialising. It just took so much out of me, not that I understood why at that point. He was an extroverted (non-autistic) person who refused to compromise. It was his way or no way at all. Even when I forced myself to go out, I spent a lot of time on my own as he’d get caught up in talking to other people and forget about me. You know that saying of feeling lonely in a room full of people? I know that feeling well. Husband number two (also non-autistic) should have me done under trades description act, because once again I was masking. As I’ve aged, I’ve struggled to mask, so he’s seen the real me. We also have an autistic son. Over the last ten years, OH has seen me at my very worst, mental health wise. He supported me when I was diagnosed autistic, through a mental breakdown and now with fibromyalgia. He sees the real me and hasn’t done a runner. We have our ups and downs, but when things go wrong he always asks what he can do to make things better. He wants to understand me, which helps. Autistic/non-autistic relationships can and do work. If somebody loves you and you love them, you find a way to make things work.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’ve thought about this a lot. Never married, but was in one relationship. I masked as a flirty, extroverted girl and came across as “cute” to my ex. I remember not feeling very genuine, and my ex was quite controlling.
    I like what Inside the Rainbow said: “If somebody loves you and you love them, you find a way to make things work.” Definitely! I remember there were people who, in their way, got me through my identity crisis when my mask finally cracked. They adjusted. Even when the friendships had to end, it was a mutual decision made out of respect and care.

    Liked by 1 person

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