On Criticising Parents

Over the past few days, I’ve read a few blog posts by autistics, giving out to other autistics for giving out about parents. Words along the lines of “why can’t we just get along?”, “they mean well”, “they only want the best for their children” and “being angry and shouty won’t achieve anything”. And to them I say….fuck off.

I’m a parent. And when I read the comments of “angry” autistics, railing against parents, I nod along. I agree with them. I feel angry alongside them. I don’t take offense, I don’t take it personally, I don’t make it about me or my own parenting skills.

We can’t all just get along, because we are human. We get along with some people and don’t with others. I don’t believe in a magical kumbaya world where everyone just gets along. That’s not realistic in any way.

They mean well? Nope. Sorry. Not all parents mean well. They only want what’s best for their children? Some parents actively hate their children. Some parents are narcissists. Some parents are evil.

Note I say “some” and not “all”. If you cannot tell the difference between those two words, then I’m afraid I can’t help you.

As to “being angry and shouty won’t achieve anything”? I think you may be missing the point of a lot of the angry posts. They are not always trying to change the minds of parents, as we know those minds don’t change easily. Some of them are simply….expressing their pain, their anguish. Screaming into the void. What they achieve is….their own peace of mind. Venting can be cathartic.

So, I say, let them vent. Let them be angry and shouty. Nobody is forcing you to read it. Don’t take it all so personally. Don’t get so offended. If none of what they say applies to you, then move on. And if it does, if it hits a nerve, then good. If you ARE one of “those” parents, then you deserve to be called out, sworn at, ranted against. I’ve no pity for you.

I refuse to tone police my fellow autistics, just for the sake of some mythical “unity”. As Nick Walker put it so well “What the vulture calls unity, the giraffe calls getting eaten.”

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