It wasn’t anxiety. But it is now.

I remember when I’d get POTS symptoms. Racing heart, dizziness, tight breath. And people would tell me it was caused by anxiety. But I wasn’t actually anxious at the time. I knew there was something else going on. And I was proven right when I turned out to have POTS. So, caused by a faulty autonomic system, not by anxiety.

And today I have similar symptoms but I know they are not caused by POTS but this time they really are from anxiety. They feel different. I don’t know how to describe it but the heart palpitations have a different feel. The tightness is different. The dizziness is different. No words really. Except maybe they are “softer” but that’s not right either. More floaty. More disassociated maybe. Plus they are happening while I’m sitting down. And while I actually am anxious.

And what am I anxious about? Well, CorVid 19 obviously. But more specifically (as I scan Tesco online trying to find anything I need that’s not out of stock) running out of food. Not just me personally, but the world. Disruptions to the supply chains. Looting. Rioting. The breakdown of society. A long and hard global recession. The short term but also the long term impacts of this whole thing.

It’s getting to me.

Think I’ll go and have a lie down.

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